Is BDSM good or bad

Q: For years I’ve enjoyed BDSM play but a recent bad experience has shaken me. I hooked up with a guy, who seemed to be an experienced "top", and we negotiated a scene together. He was able to take me deep into "sub" space and I enjoyed pushing my boundaries. When it was over though, he just went and had a shower. I asked if I could shower too and he handed me a towel and told me he was calling me a taxi. I felt shell-shocked and bewildered by the way he just cut me off.

A: BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism), or Kink, is an umbrella term that covers a range of sexual play, from wearing a blindfold and being tied to the bedhead, through to complex scenarios, or scenes, that involve whips, restraints and specialised equipment, as represented (or misrepresented) in the popular novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

There is a lot of misunderstanding about this kind of "play", which Barbara Carellas addresses in her seminal book, Urban Tantra. She talks about exploring “the erotic edge of resistance”. To do this successfully requires trust, consent and clear and constant communication.

Participants can enter into an altered state of consciousness that is quite ecstatic. For the submissive partner, this is described as "sub space". The person who is doing the dominating (the "top") also experiences sexual pleasure.